God Don't Make Mistakes

Hi Everyone,

Hope you all are having a great night/day! I know I havent wrote in a while and alot has to do with I havent been able to figure out my emotions and feelings! It has been one heck of a whirlwind these few weeks. I have learned alot and still trying to figure this whole life thing out. But I can honestly tell you I still feel lost.. I guess living with depression and Spina Bifida is going to challenge me to where I havent been challenged before.. But I know I cant give up!

I know I have said that this summer had been a bummer and such. In many ways it has been but I wouldnt have changed it one bit. I learned so much this summer about myself and life. Heck, I gain two "sisters" this summer and got to reconnect with another or seeing my hero Jodi K. I realized its ok to let go of somethings that is holding you back. Also its ok to let go of people that bring you down!  Right now I want to tell you about the two "sisters" I gain this summer because they have changed my life so much and they probably don't realize it.  

I believe I have talked about Jenna Jones before but I cant get enough of the kindness of a person who once was a stranger. This young lady has changed my life so much I cant tell you enough. I knew of her in high school and always thought to myself that she would never be friends with a "freak" like me. I began this blog and then we became friends on Facebook. I didnt realize that she would become the best friend I really never had. The day she invited me to spend the day with her as a spa day changed my life. As a kid growing up, I hated going to friends house. I know alot had to do with me hiding my bathroom stuff from them. I thought that no one would understand and would make fun of me because in school some kids that found out were cruel. That day with Jenna was different though. She wanted to hang out. Since that day we have hung out a bunch more and I am not afraid of going out and having a great time. Also for me it is a big step towards be able to get my depression under control because I found someone that loved me for me and wanted to truly be my friend. Her drive and her belief in her dreams in so incredible too. She is such a talented person with so much potential. I will be a fan of hers for life! She is on her way though! I wish her the best of luck! I just pray we stay the best of friends because without her in my life I dont think I could fight my way!

Jamie Kline is the daughter of a very special friend and teacher of mine Ms.Vigus. Ms.Vigus said that we actually met when I was little at the school one day. I honestly dont remember that far back. . We had began talking on facebook a while ago and became friends. Jamie is a person I felt comfortable talking to. She is so sweet and kind. Once I learned that her and her family were going to be up here for a weekend. I wished on stars to be able to meet the woman that had became a great friend to me. Come to find out though that she was going to be here the same day my cousin was getting married. Well I decided right then and there I was going to see Jamie even if I missed the wedding. She had been there for me more than most of my dad's family anyhow. I knew that it wasn't going to go over good with the family but I didnt really care at that moment. So I went to the lake. Lets just say I made the right decision. I had so much fun on the lake with them all. They accepted me for me and not looked at me like a disabled girl. It was so amazing to get to experience that for the second time in a long time. I even got on a jet ski for the first time since my Grandma Rita had taken me on one as a kid. As we were going around the lake, I felt this sense of relief and calmness. It was like Grandma telling me it was ok to let others in my heart.  I realize now that its ok to do things that remind me of Grandma even though it might make me sad she isnt here. I am glad I have that memory of her. As the time went on, I really wanted to stay with them but knew I had to make an appearance at the reception. But that day I realized that its ok to do my own thing and what makes me happy! :)  I gain a whole new family that day but most important I found a new true friend/sister that I know will be there for me always! <3 u Jamie Kline!! I only wished I live closer so we could hang out more!

. There are so many I think of as my "family" now including Jamie and Jenna. There is Mrs.Green, Ms.Coe, Mrs.Glomski, Mrs.Clayton, Keith Allen, Ms. Vigus, Jodi K just to name a few. I learned these people care about me and want me to succeed in whatever I choose to do. They help me when I need a kick in the butt, a ear to talk to, a helping hand, and a hug to comfort! I love each and every one of them so much! They each have changed my life in so many ways! With the help of my "family" I have hope in my heart. I know its going to be a long road ahead but I know each of them will be there for me when I need them! Whether I don't get to see them often or get to see them on a regular basis! They will forever be in my heart! 

There is a quote I found that someone posted on facebook today that made me think of my true friends! 

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice,solutions,or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." ~Henri Nouwen

If you surround yourself with positive people and people who lift you up in life. You are the richest person in the world!!!  Thank you to the person reading this! <3 always, Dream Girl! 

That time of year again!

Hi Everyone,

I hope that you all had a great week. I know I haven't been the most talkative on here lately. Truth is that I am so unsure of things that are happening and trying to figure them all out. A lot of you might have heard me say that this summer has been a bummer and this is true in so many ways but I have come to realize that it has been a summer of learning. I might have not been doing things I wanted to but I have done things I needed to do. 

This past week was the annual Ogemaw County Fair. I have went to the fair for as long as I can remember and have had so many great memories there. This week was some of the most fun I have had in a while. I dont how many times I was asked this year of What are your favorite memories of the Ogemaw County Fair? So here are some of all time favorites.. 

My childhood memories are all just bits and pieces. Remembering the boys doing pigs all those years. Getting run over by them so many times. The pigs not my brothers. I have flashbacks of Grandma taking us out there. Riding the rides. Getting up for barn duty when I did rabbits. Freezing (stage fright) when I had to show my rabbits. Those memories will always be there even in bits and pieces. 

Swine Barn Fair 2012

One of my ultimate favorite memories that keeps me smiling and loving life is seeing Ms.Kathy Green and Ms. Harriett H. Coe at the fair. Memories of these two are the best I love talking about life with them. There is never a dull moment with these two. I guess that is why admire them so much! One year we went to the tractor pulls together and it was so much fun. I gave them each a license plate one year. It was so great to see their faces. Ms.Coe put her on her truck and it would make me smile seeing it when I would see her going around town. Another time I remember walking around after the talent show and we saw them in the Antique villiage and my parents and I stood around talking about things that they remember with both of them. It was a nice time to listen to all the stories and such! The past two year Ms.Coe hasn't been able to attend and I know how much she wished she was there but sometimes life throws curve balls. She definently was in my thoughts and other too! We love you Ms.Coe!!  They will always be a huge part of my life and the 

Ogemaw County Fair!

This picture of Ms. Coe, Mariah and I was taken at my brother
Jesse's wedding Oct 2011 <3

The year was 2004. I went to my first concert ever in May. It was Shania Twain. I attended my first Reba concert and had just met my hero, Reba McEntire in July. My mom had told me how she had gotten the back stage passes and I wanted to Thank whoever it was that made me realize that dreams can come true and that they are not just for dreaming. So I printed the picture of Reba and I out and got the information that I needed.. Keith Allen was going to be at the Ogemaw County Fair for 94.5 the Moose. The day arrived that he would be there. I was lets just say a little nervous. I didn't know what to say or nothing. I walked up to the booth and I had seen picture of him so I knew it was him. He put my nerves to ease. He was the nicest guy ever. I gave him the photo and thank him so much for the opportunity. We chatted for a bit. One thing Keith didn't realize is that day I began to dream again. I knew Reba was special in my life and knew that with her I could find the light at the end of my dark tunnel. After that day I couldn't wait till the next year to see him again and tell him all about my concerts and things I had been up too. I had found a true friend! He went to a different radio station a few years later and it makes me sad that I don't get to see him any more at the fair but those years I did get to see him there will stay with me forever. 

This picture was taken July 22, 2004 at Soaring Eagle Casino and Resort!  

This year at the fair has been one full of laughs, smiles, and sadness (knowing Ms.Coe wouldn't be there) all wrapped up in one. I went out Tuesday,Wednesday, and Saturday. 

I knew that 94.5 the moose was going to be there again and the last few years I have missed them out there but I was prepare this year. I showed up about an hour after I knew they would be there. I had cousins Mariah and Ashley with me so they could see the fair with me for a while. I knew the DJ was going to be Miss Jodi K. I have meet her a few times and we talk a lot on Facebook. She is one of my heroes for sure. I was super excited to see her and talk for a few. She gave me a poster and sticker that she autographed. :) I got my picture taken with her because I didn't have one with her at all. We chatted for a few mins. Best time ever!! She made all the disappointments of summer disappear in an instant! Wishes do come true!!  I am so lucky to have amazing heroes!! 

One of my heroes Jodi K at the Ogemaw County Fair 2012! Love you Jodi K!!!

I also got to spend sometime with Mrs.Green this year. She moved to WI a while back and doesn't get here often anymore so I was really looking forward to seeing her again! She is one of the sweetest ladies in the world. We saw each other on Tuesday for a bit. Then I didn't catch up with her till Thursday and we went to Sunrise for lunch. We chatted about what I am up to and how things are changing for me. She gives the best advice. I love spending time with her. Her hugs also have that magic touch that makes the world seems so bright! I'm so lucky to have her in my life. 

My cousin Alex and I also spend some time together on Wednesday. It was a blast. He offered to push my wheelchair so that was sweet. We did the paint and take thing which was so much fun. I couldnt believe how much he knew about painting. We then went around the fairgrounds. It was just fun to hang out and not worry about school and life. We shared a bunch of laughs! 

Alex painting the eyes of my dolphin at the paint and take tent  Fair 2012 

Another best part of fair this year was sharing some of it with my best friend Jenna Jones and meeting her boyfriend. I looked for her most of the day not knowing what time they would get there. They got there just before the Talent Show on Saturday. I saw her walk by and yelled her name. She always knows how to brighten my day! She gave me a hug and introduce Robby. Very nice guy! I am so incredibly happy for her! She deserve only the best always! We were going to meet up afterward but I never did see them again that night. I looked all around but never saw them. I didn't really know what else to do so I went to my car about 10pm. I was a bit disappointed but I know that we will hang again soon!! Jenna has helped me so much this summer and she makes the summer worth it! I am so blessed she came into my life! I hope to have her continued support and  love because she helps me get out of bed each day thankful for life! 

This picture of Jenna and I  was actually taken a few weeks ago at
 Applebees in West Branch!  Didnt get one at the fair 

I know another year has gone by but the memories at the fair last a lifetime! Life maybe a roller coaster but having friends, heroes, family makes the ride a joy not a fear!  I hope you enjoyed reading about the Ogemaw Fair and if you get a chance to check it out next year! It is super fun!! TTFN, Jen 

Blog Award! Please read :)

On August 5, 2012 RamblingsbyRebecka nominated Dreamsofalostgirl for the Liebster Award. I am honored to receive this award.

 What is the Liebster Blog Award? 

“The Liebster Blog Award is given to up and coming bloggers who have less than 200 followers. The Meaning: Liebster is German and means sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing and welcome.” Wow! What a mouthful! Thank you RamblingsbyRebecka for honoring me in this way!

As with all blog awards, there are 'rules' so I will proceed with the 11 questions RamblingsbyRebecka left for me to answer: Most of these I have covered but I love writing about them :) 

1) What is your biggest dream?

Since I was a little girl I have always wanted to go to the Academy of Country Music. Now that Reba came into my life, my dream is to present her with the Guardian Angel Award. When I was 11, I made this cut of an angel thing and wrote her name on it. I have kept it for all these years and decided then that I would find a glass angel and inscribe her name on it. Also I would like to have a face-to-face conversation for a few hours, maybe a day! (Honestly if I could just get the face-to-face conversation, i would in seventh heaven) 

My other Biggest dream is like any other. To find my purpose in life. To make a difference. To make my mark. To matter!

2) Do you have a plan for making it happen?

Live day by day and keep my dreams alive. Never give up

3) What keeps you going when you want to give up?

 Hope, Faith, True Friends, Reba, family 

4)Who are your favorite musicians and why?

Reba McEntire is my ultimate favorite because of her determination, passion for music, her dedication to her fans and her hard work. I believe she was sent to be in my life to save it. Most people know the story now that I started this blog but it much more than that. She is a true guardian angel.  I love country music in general. Martina McBride is another one of my favorites. Her voice is so powerful and she sings with a passion only some people have. Faith Hill, Tim McGraw, Dolly Parton, Johnny  Cash, Loretta Lynn, Garth Brooks, Mickey Utley are some of my all time favorites too! If the song has a great message, I will listen to it :) <3 

5) If you could invite anyone at all to dinner who would it be and why?

This is another easy one.. One Answer.. REBA NELL MCENTIRE.. because that would make me the most amazing girl in the universe ever!! (DREAM)

6) What's one thing you'd like to change about the world?

There are so many on this list. One major one is that I want people to love each other for whats on the inside not what is on the outside. It shouldn't matter if you have a disability or not. It shouldnt matter what skin color you have, what you drive, what you weight, or what you believe. I would like every child to have a home, family, and food. I want people to also open there eyes to the effects of how you treat other people. We all have our issues so dont slam someones dreams because you dont like theirs. I wish all my friends dreams come true and they never lose sight of them! <3 

7)What is one small thing you can change?

They way I look at the world. Try to stay positive and help out where ever I can. Give more than I take. 

8) Where do you see yourself in five years?

I hope to be somewhere in the country music field. Working with Reba or another big country act wouldnt be too much to ask :) Living somewhere on the beach. Basically living my dreams, Finding my destiny! 

9) Who do you most admire and why?

I admire so many different people some famous and some non(famous in my eyes). They all have touched my life in some way. 

Reba McEntire- because she is my hero. She has helped me through so much that I really didnt think I would ever Survive!    

My MOM and DAD- for putting up with all my crap all these years.  

Teachers (Ms.Vigus, Mrs.Glomski, Ms.Lee, Mrs.Campbell, Mrs.Clayton, etc.)- they do so much for this world and dont get alot of credit. Every single one of these teachers have given me so much in life and I owe them so much! I love every single one of them with all my heart!! 

Mrs.Green- she has stood by me since I was in her third grade class so many years ago. She is a true example of a true friend. She will always hold a special place in my heart!

Ms.Coe- Like Mrs.Green she has stood by me and helped me realize so much in life is better if only you look at the positive side of thing! I also admire her love and dedication to her mom and the rest of her family. 

Jenna Jones- She is a girl that has shown me so much this year and has opened my eyes to so much! She honestly is the definition of what a hero is!  She is a very hard worker and is so passionate about her dreams! With all she does, she helps me to understand friendship, kindness. Jenna has helped me overcome some things I honestly thought I wouldn't get through! She is a true livesaver!  She is such an inspiration to me!! I love her like a sister and would do anything for her! 

Keith Allen- He is the definition of a hero. He has shown me that if I wish enough and believe in my dreams they will come true. He was the one that had a hand in letting me meet my hero, Reba McEntire on July 22, 2004. He has always been there for me and believed in my dreams. I am so grateful this guy came into my life. He is not only a hero, he is a true friend.

The Moose Crew (Jodi K., Jim Biggins, Joby Phillips)- They amazing DJs are heroes to me! They showed me dreams come true with helping me meet Reba! They show me amazing strength, friendship, and kindness! They are very funny and fun to be around! I admire the way they live their lives! I love them all! 

10) What one thing about yourself would you share?
I am not a quitter but I am a working progress. I may slip and fall and it actually might take me a while to get up but I will always get back up! I will never forget my dreams and will always cherish my true friends!! <3 

11) Which is more important making millions or making a change?

Making a change of course. You get one life and we are here to help one another. If along the way you make a million then hey you are doing a pretty darn good job! 

Letters to God/To Save A Life

Hi Everyone,

I hope everyone has been having a great life. I know I have been neglecting this blog. I am so sad that I have. This blog means the world to me. I have wrote things down here that I didn't think anyone who care about but they are my true feelings.

The past few weeks have been a true whirlwind. So much I'm learning and trying to understand. I'm still trying to figure out this life and what my true purpose is in it.

Here something I just don't understand and never will. It has been racking my brain about it.  When I was a kid, I never had a cell phone, IPOD, Cable TV(we got when I was in middle school) and etc. Kids nowadays are getting these things younger and younger. Why does a 6 year old need a cell phone? Teens nowadays are getting worse and worse. What bugs me the most is that they can't have there phones off for more than 10 mins. All I see them do is text, text, call,text. In my mind they aren't really there. Why would you go to someone's house to hang out and then just be on your phone. I could care less to have my on. Yes, I will admit I like texting over talking but text messaging can be so misunderstood sometimes. It can tell the person really how you feel. I didn't get my cell till I moved into my grandparents house and then I only got it  for when my parents needed to get a hold of me. I didn't have internet on it or nothing I just think that kids nowadays have no Respect for others at all especially adults. Most parents don't see it though. I wish parents would stop trying to be there best friends and set down some rules. I thank my parents everyday for the rules they gave us. I may have hated them back then but I understand now why. <3 

I also think that we are losing interaction between people. Now we Twitter, Facebook, and other devices we talk through. I love sending out letters to friends. Its so much more personal. I love getting
mail still. It makes me feel loved and appreciated. Through the computer there isn't much thought put into it. I wish people would write letters that you mail more.

I watched a few movies lately and I would like to talk to you about them and get your insight on them as I think they opened my eyes to a lot of things. They made me question life..

The first movie is called "Letters to God". It is based on a true story about Tyler Doherty who is battling cancer. To Tyler, God is a friend, a teacher, and the best pen-pal. Tyler mails a letter/prayer to God everyday. When his regular mail man goes on vacation. Brady McDaniels steps in. Brady is a drunk who has has made a lot of mistakes in life and not sure where to turn. At first he is confused on what to do with the letter for God. The decision he makes becomes a testament to the quiet power of one boy's journey of life and his faith. This tranformation shines through the whole town.

This movie really moved me in ways I didn't think I could feel. Its not that I don't believe in God because I do. Its been a hard road though. When I was younger I couldn't understand why God would make a girl that isnt the fittest or cant walk or go to the bathroom normally. Then when people began to pass away that I had turned to I thought God was punishing me for not accepting my disability. My Grandma Rita was my best friend, even though she didnt know. As I watched her slowly slip away, I began to get angry with God. It was like my last straw. I shut down to everything around me and believed that he was really punishing me now. How could he take a woman that needed to be here away. I have always believe in angels. I believe there a people placed in your life for a reason. Good or bad. You just have to open your heart and understand.

Here is my letter to God inspired by the movie..

Dear God,
Im writing you this because seems like lately I forgotten how to prayer. I know I dont need this pen but everyone like a letter now and then. I dont understand a person as big as you need anything from a person like me.

I know I will not find all the answers to the questions I have. But I know I can still ask. Why did you make disabilities like Spina Bifida? Is it to make people understand that even though Im different I am just like them.  I know I should be strong and someday I will understand but right now I dont understand it. Why do people treat people badly? How can we let a child starve or let people kill each other? It breaks my heart to see this. Every child should have a home and food to eat. every person should be about to live life. Why do bad things happen to good people.

Im so sorry for being angry with you for taking my grandma away that June day. I know there is a meaning for everything that is going on in my life. I just need to open my heart and not shut it down again. I just dont understand why it had to be her.

Thank you for sending me my earth angels.  Tell my grandma that I miss her more than the world itself. Tell her that I understand now why I found that cd of Reba's that day I wanted to end it all. It was her saying that I need to hang on to better things and not to forget my dream. Tell her that I realize that I need the people that come into my life. Tell her that I understand why i care so much for Ms.Coe and Mrs.Green. They are family. They cant replace her but they are amazing at supporting and loving me. :) Thank you for sending Jenna my way. She is the best. She is helping me trust again. You always know who I need! I realize now that true friends do exist and that they will always be there!
Please send an angel to watch over ever single person that needs one and everyone of my true friends. Love always     
                                                         Sincerely, Jen Evans


The other movie that I have came across is "To Save a Life". Jake Taylor was a teen with a dream. He is the type of guy you couldn't help but like. Jake thought life was good. He had a ton of friends, a basketball scholarship, a hot girlfriend and a really bright future. Not too much to worry about?  Roger Dawson. He was Jake’s childhood best friend before Jake’s growing popularity pushed him out. Tired of not fitting in and not having a place to belong, Roger walks onto campus and, with a gun in his pocket and pain in his heart, makes the decision he thought was right. Shooting a few rounds in the ceiling of the school and then killing himself. Jake is devastated by what Roger has done, and something in him changes. In seeking answers in his own life, one question plagues him the most: Could he have saved Roger? He finds himself deeply compelled to reach out to kids on the fringe – kids who aren't viewed as cool enough. But this decision among other things, threatens Jake’s world. He may lose his friends, his scholarship and even his reputation by asking “What do I want my life to be about?” 


This movie, yes has a strong religion background but its much more than that. It made my heart ache because I know the way Roger felt. I felt the same way and sometimes still do. Feeling of loneliness and guilt. Not knowing where you are going in life. Getting judged by others and yourself. Not knowing where to turn or who to turn to. You think that the only way to relieve your pain is to end it. For me I was really close. By really close I mean rope in my hand or pills in my hand. But unlike Roger I found heroes (Reba and others), dreams, and realized how many people really do care. Its so sad because what happened to Roger is a real thing. Bullies exist in so many ways. Many people are so blinded to the ones that hurt or are hurting someone. Bullies do more than physical damage. A person that doesn't think highly of themselves as it is usually are the targets of bullies.  It hurts to be tease, judged, to not think you matter. If every one would reach out their hand like Jake did in this movie we wouldn't have so many teen suicides or suicides in general. I believe we are so wrapped up in ourselves that we dont know how to reach out that helping hand. Every 14.2 minutes someone in the United States dies by suicide. Nearly 1,000,000 people make a suicide attempt every year. If you know someone or are someone that is thinking that you have had enough or can't do it anymore please please call suicide hotline 1-800-273-8255 or reach out to them. People needed to know they matter to someone!!

So I recommend these movies to anyone who wants a great movie. They have taught me so much and that I guess is why I love watching movie that inspire me instead of movies that are about killing, zombies, sex, drugs, and other things. Yes, sometimes I want a comedy but for the most part I love inspirational movies.

I hope the person reading this knows that I love them very much and appreciate them so much! TTFN, Jen

P.S. If you ever have questions or ideas for a blog post PLEASE comment or write me on Facebook, Twitter, or email me missjen2008@yahoo.com!! <3

Times are changing, I cant keep up!

Hi Everyone,
I hope that everyone is having a great week! I know I haven't wrote in so long. My mind has been spinning ninety miles per hour and not stopping! I honestly feel on this tilt a whirl that I cant get off of.

So here it goes.. This year just seems like its not real. So much has changed it seems like when I get a hold of life something else happens or doesn't and I crash like I usually do. This summer has been the most painful, eye opener, great, and difficult summer in the history of summers.  With Reba not coming to Michigan this year as far as I know, that is something that doesnt help.

A few weeks ago, Mrs.Green was in town. I knew ahead of time she was coming. Lets just say the saying "You never know how much someone means to you, until you see them again" is the most truest saying in the world.. She came to pick me up for lunch and lets just say it took so much not to start balling right then and there. All my stress, worries, and negativity melted away for a day. Her and her sister took me to the Rose City Cafe for lunch. It was great food. Amazing time just chatting and catching up. I couldn't stop smiling. It was like she never left! When she dropped me off home, I gave her gift I made for her. She hugged me goodbye. Im not good at them. Probably never will be. I miss her so much but I know she will always be there for me and that i am so grateful for that! I love her so much!! I cant wait to see her again <3


I hope you all had a great fourth of July. This year was way different for me. For the past eight years I have served ice cream at my parents shop/bakery. I can remember a few years I didn't even get to watch the parade because we were that busy. So I got up this year thinking it was gonna be the best and relieve I didn't have to work. I had tons of fun at the parade taking pictures with the family. I went out to the lake house my parents are building after the traffic settled down. Dad got a pontoon boat so he wanted to take that out for a spin again. I joined my Grandma Joni, Grandpa Chuck, Aunt Tonya, cousin Courtney, Aunt Missie, Hannah, Mom, and Dad. It was a lot of fun. We got my dogs in the water for one of their first swimming lesson. But while I was having fun, I had this feeling that something was missing from the Fourth of July that kinda broke my heart and was on my mind that whole day. My brothers are both out of state and so I was missing them and being out on the lake made it worse. I honestly missed scooping ice cream for a lot of people and keeping busy but what I miss the most of all was that surprise hug from Harriet H. Coe. For as long as I can remember she would come find me and give me a hug! It would make my day. I would be the most stressed person ever overwhelmed with all the excitement and that one hug would make it all better! It actually because one of my favorite moments on the 4th. This year however her mom needed her much more and she was where she needed to be. I hope that she knows how much she was missed that day and how much she is loved! <3


About this time last year, I would be packing and be a nervous wreck for one of the best places in the world. I have attended Acorn Buddy Camp for the past 11 years. Acorn Buddy Camp is a church camp that pairs an able bodied person with a camper that has a disability. They help them through the week with being a helper/friend. I first attended as a camper and then turned into a buddy last year. This year when the camp booklet came in the mail. My head was telling me to wait to sign up. It was also telling me to tell what I was hiding from a lot of people about camp to people I trust the most and have them help me sort the thoughts out. So I turned to a few people I trust the most and told them my situation. 


I'm gonna share with you that I haven't told anyone but its hard to explain so it may seem confusing. I havent really felt like I fit in at Acorn Buddy Camp for the last few years. I love it don't get me wrong but being a camper and then going to a buddy side of it took me way out of my comfort zone for a lot of it. With the speaking in buddy meetings and things. Most of the buddies all have there friends they hang out with because most of them are from the Flint, Flushing, and Swartz Creek area and everything. I just kinda felt out of place. It was beginning to feel like being thrown in the middle of something you know but at the same time don't know. 


I have made a lot of friendship that I treasure from the bottom of my heart and always will. It is extremely hard not having so many friends not there like especially Emily Powell, Danelle Graves, and Meghan Key, Monika, Austin, Scott, Kellen, Chris, Nikki, Angela, Andrea Benjamin and Meg Bowden . These people made it fun and exciting. Each had a unique sense about them and that made camp special. It was like part of camp that will never be there again! Most have gone away and I dont know if they realize but they made an impact in my life.

Growing up where I am the only one with a disability like mine. Camp has always been a challenge to fit in with campers that have the support of others all the time. Most of the time I would think of myself without one because that is the way i grew up. Most nights at camp I didnt sleep because i hid my emotions and feelings and let them quietly flow at camp.. I feel that feeling this way is holding me back from the place I love so much! I miss so much we use to do like alot of one on one stuff, singing "Friends" at last campfire, and other amazing tradition that faded into thin air. 


ABC has also became alot about religion. I understand that its a church camp and that the main focus is based on that but I can remember a time that it was about hanging out and having fun. I can remember pranks being pulled, laughing and joking about things, and not so much about religion and rules. I believe in God, Heaven, Hell, and all that. I believe in the faith and angel part of the whole thing more though. I believe if you are a good person good things will happen to you and people will want to be around you and be like you. I don't think by forcing people to sit in chapel for an hour, have a religious themed dance and crafts and early bed times and strict rules that they will want to be that way or keep coming back. I understand you need rules because you want a safe camp but it just seem to be all about that lately. Not about making friendship, laughing, and having a great time.

So I didn't sign up for camp for these reasons. After talking to a true friend of mine that didn't push religion down my throat and not telling me that must be a sign telling me that I need to find something else and understood where I was coming from, I decided if I could jump through a few more hoops I would be all set to go. So this friend told me that if I could find a dog sitter that she would handle the rest. We didn't know that it would all come crashing down learning that camp was full. Lets just say that part of me basically sank so far that I honestly feel still numb! I feel like I failed this friend (MEG) and feel stupid for not signing up in the first place. I know life is life and that I cant fell and stay down but it just kills! I just hope that I can get through this week without dieing inside.  I'm trying to find a way down to visit but I have a dumb ass car that is still not fix because no one has the time to help me out that way. My parents leave on the cruise this Thursday so I get to dog sit! Yeah Me!! :/

Megan Pajtas from ABC came to see me to chat about things. She is one of my best friends ever! I wouldnt know what to do without her in my life!  I only wish I didn't feel like I let her down! Love you Megan Pajtas!!! 

Other than that...... I'm looking at Full Sail University Online for college degree. Im looking at a Bacholar's Degree in Music Business. I want to work with country music stars. Someday I want to be able to talk to Reba McEntire and tell her that I'm grateful in her helping me understand life is worth living for even if you fall  flat on your butt. But I am just looking at all my opinion before making a drastic change! Also looking for a part time job and maybe a new apartment. I am trying my hardest to stay positive as ever but some day its the hardest thing ever to do. All I want is do something this summer worthwhile! :)

Oh, Here's my advice. Talk about your problems as soon as you can. Talk to a professional, a friend, a family member.. Someone will listen!!! Second surround yourself with people who lift you up. If you dont like what someone does or is then subtract yourself from the equation!! It will make your world a better place to live in. Third if you ever friend a true friend like I have found a few, never let them go. They are what makes this world live able! :) 

I hope you enjoyed my rambling today/tonight! Friends, Near and Far I love and miss you so much!!! Sorry about all the rambling but I needed to sort these thoughts out. I just wish to have a little fun out of this county soon this summer! :)

                                                     Love you all! TTFN, DREAM GIRL
PS. Pay it forward please do something for someone else even if it is just chatting for a few mins or making a craft for them! <3

Puzzles

Hi Readers,
I hope that this finds you wonderful. I appreciate you reading this blog. I have continued to face some of my best fears. Some yes, I fail but I cant give up because I know people in my life dont want me to give up. I have recently been conquering my fear of the dentist. Today a matter a fact I got two of my wisdom teeth pulled with the help of Reba blaring in my eyes :) It hard sometimes to look fear in the eye. But I am strong everyday I try! I hope you enjoy this post as much as I did writing it and I hope that you learn something! If not that is ok!

These last few months since I have started this blog has honestly felt like I am piecing together a jigsaw puzzle. I love jigsaw puzzles especially when I get it all together and know I finish something I started. I know everyone story is different and some people understand their puzzles but for me I just didn't want to piece together anything till now. What I mean by it being a jigsaw puzzle is that I feel every time something happens to me its like a piece of the puzzle to find the whole picture that is called my purpose in life. Every time I find a piece that doesn't fit or I don't understand at the moment, I know now that I shouldn't and can't give up because I could find the next piece and it could fit with the piece that doesn't seem to make sense. I also know that life with throw pieces that don't fit at all in your pile so you can sort them out. You will probably try and fit it with every piece but when you realize it doesn't fit then you can move on till you find one that will.

I realize that people in our lives are some of the strangest shaped pieces because some really shouldn't be there because they just keep hurting your life and confusing the puzzle up. But there is a reason for everyone in your life. Some guide us and love us but sadly some of them hurt us. The ones that hurt you though usually teach you a lesson in life if you watch real carefully. You just have to find the right pieces.

I've always learned that everyday is a new day every day of my life is a piece of my puzzle.  Some times I forget this and beat myself up because I thought If I didn't do it that day I ruin it. If one day doesn't work out like you would like it to don't worry because there is always tomorrow. Another piece of my puzzle I am still trying to connect is that I need to look at the positive things in life not just the negative things in life. An example of that is drama is a small town is just drama. Yes, some of it drives me crazy but if I doesn't hurt me that I don't need to worry about it. I know for me Reba was a piece, learning to trust again was a piece, my true friends are pieces, and so many pieces but I cant wait to figure out the whole. :)

I recently read a little story/blog talking about "What does it mean to really live life to the fullest?" It talks about family, friends, and other things but the whole book is based on a list of ten things. I wanted to share that list with you. I actually was surprised that I have a really similar list of my own like this.

The list was titled "Have you done this today?" 

1. Made a friend smile- A simple smile can brighten anyone's day.

2. Smelled a flower

3. Smiled for yourself 

4. Took a walk, mediate, swing or relax

5. Looked up at the clouds

6. helped a stranger

7. Told someone you love that you love them. 

8. Listen to music

9. Dreamed 

10. Hoped

This list made me think back on the last week and I went through. Alot of them I dont do everyday and makes me wonder if I did would I be a happier person.  Have you done these things today?? I hope that each person who reads this aleast does one or more things on this list everyday! Love you all!!! TTFN, Dream Girl :)

Comment if you would like! I love love reading all the feedback!!!

10 or more top ten lists

Hi Everyone,
So I have a friend that gave me a challenge and what it is is that I have to complete 10 or more top ten list . Yes that is a ten or more separate lists. She told me that this is a great way to get to know someone. The lists can be anything from a simple your top ten movies or can run deep like your top ten dreams. So I decided that I would try this out and share them with you all :) I hope that you learn a little more about me! :)

Top Ten Facts About Me
1. I am 1 of 1000 kids to be born with a disability called Spina Bifida.
2. I'm person that keeps my emotions in too long
3.  I can be a push-over (learning to not be)
4. I let my fears sometimes run my life for the most part. 
5. I hate being used but sometimes don't realize till too late 
6. My true friends are the world to me.. Mess with them and you will see my dark side 
7. I am more of a writer than a talker. I can pour my heart out in a message then I can face to face. 
8. I have two of the best parents a girl could ask for. Even if sometimes I don't think I do. 
9. Music is my life. I have to listen to music everyday!! 
10. I dont trust easily. I have gotten burned too many times. So if I say I trust you please take it to heart. 

Top Ten Books I Have Read (these books I have read recently. I dont always get a chance to read so when i do I sink in the book. I hope they inspire you to pick one of them up and read)
1. Unlimited- Jillian Michaels- this book is a self help book but unlike others she is so unfront with alot of things. I would recommend this book to anyone who has thought they are lost in life.
2. The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks- I love this book. Yes, its a tearjerker but i love a touchy moments sometimes.
3.  Reba:My Story- this is the life story about my hero. It goes into great details of her struggles and triumphs
4. Shania Twain: From this moment on- I recommend this story to anyone who needs a good read about a girl that came from almost nothing and became one of most successful musician in the world.
5. Sleeping Dogs Lie- Rebecka Vigus- If you love a good mystery. I would recommend this book. It has a great story line and pace to it.
6. Dolphin Tales- this is a story of a dolphin that was caught by some fisherman router and got washed up on the shore. She was rescued and lost her tale due to infection. It tells of her incredible determination to live
7. Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling- Yeah I know what your thinking that they are so childish but to be honest I love there story line of mystery and the meaning of love.
8.  Soul Surfer by Bethany Hamilton - This is the story of Bethany Hamilton. She got her arm bite off by a shark but learn to surf again.
9. She Said Yes by Misty Bernall- This is a true story about a girl that was killed in the Columbine School shooting. Great Inspiring book about Faith and Strength.
10. True Love: Three Novels in One by Lurlene McDaniel- Each of these stories are about love, romance, and true meaning of friendship.

Top Ten Fears
1. Forgetting- I have had my share of deaths in my life. Heck when I was little I would being living from one to another. I have this huge fear that I will forget those people especially my Grandma Rita. I cant remember how her voice sounded, her smell, her laugh. It just makes me sad to think its all disappearing.
2. Moving away/Letting Go- This a complicated thing. I want to move away from here. I want to go to warmer weather or maybe Tennessee. The reason stopping me is the fear of what if? What if my shunt screws up? What if something happens and I don't know how to hang it..
3. Not fitting in- This is something I've struggled for a long time. Living with a disability, I've always compared myself to other people.
4. The Unknown (Future)- I am not a good one at new things. I get anxious alot and I actually think too much.
5. Standing in front of people- I have this huge stage fright for as long as I can remember. I can have dreams though that I am standing front of people at talent show and things but I froze even in Public speaking class.
6. Losing people I Love- This is a constant fear because no one is promised tomorrow! One minute they are there and the next they are gone. I just want them all to know I love them so much! I have had to many go and I regret not telling them how much i really needed them.
7. Crawling things- This includes spiders,any rodents, or bugs. They give me the shivers.  
8. Needles- Ive always had a phobia to needles. I am getting better though. I used to flip out just by the sight of them.
9. My Dreams Not Coming True- This is always on my mind. Its scares the crap out of me to never get to give my hero (REBA) a hug and thank her in person. To never get out in the world and make a difference.
10. Failure- I guess this is big fear of alot of people but for me it is huge. I dont like to fail. It hurts too much and when I do fail it feels like a part of me dieing.

Top Ten Music Artist I love           Top Ten Song (recently love)         
1. Reba McEntire                                                            1. I Didn't Know My Own Strength- Whitney H.
2. Kelly Clarkson                                                             2. One Day You Will- Lady Antebellum
3. Brooks and Dunn                                                         3. Its Not Too Late- Demi Lovato
4. Martina McBride                                                         4. Smile- Terri Clark
5. Mickey Utley                                                               5. A Little Want To- Reba McEntire
6. Whitney Houston                                                         6. Over You- Miranda Lambert
7. Lady Antebellum                                                          7. Today is Your Day- Shania Twain
8. Skylar Laine                                                                 8. Why- Rascal Flatts
9. Shania Twain                                                                9. The Living Proof- Mary J. Blige
10. Dolly Parton                                                              10. God Gave Me You- Blake Shelton

Top Ten Random Things on My Bucket List 
1. Getting to spend a day, sit down and get to have a conversation, and be friends with Reba McEntire and other country stars. Maybe go on tour with her someday. (My dream)
2. See something majestic
3. Feel like I belong
4. Travel the world to see sights like Eiffel Tower, Pyramids, and other great sights
5. Meet my true love
6. Make my mark on the world
7. Conquer my fears
8. Figure how to live with Spina Bifida
9. Meet as many country stars as possible
10. Attend the Country Music Award shows

Top Ten Movies of all time (Reba and non Reba) (in my eyes)
Reba Movies                                                    Non Reba
1. Forever Love                                             1. Raise Your Voice
2. Is There Life Out There?                            2. The Day After Tomorrow
3. Tremors                                                     3. Pretty Woman
4. The Secret of Giving                                   4. The Last Song
5.  The Man From Left Field                          5. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
6. North                                                         6. Just Like Heaven
7. The Gambler Returns                                  7. Now and Then
8. The Fox and the Hound 2 (voice of Dixie)   8. Sweet Home Alabama
9. The Little Rascals                                        9. The Lake House
10. Buffalo Girls                                             10. Angel in Training

Top Ten Disney Movies (these I grew up on so they are not included in the movies :) ) 
1. The Little Mermaid (all three of them) (ALL TIME FAVORITE, my parents will tell you I was obsessed)
2. Pocahontas
3. Beauty and the Beast
4. Peter Pan
5. Cinderella
6. Sword in the Stone
7. Pete's Dragon
8. The Hunchback of Notre Dame
9. Aladdin
10. The Jungle Book

Top Ten Quotes of all time 
1. "Growing up doesnt mean making every one dead-beat happy"- Reba
2.  “To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and to endure the betrayal of false friends. To appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson
3. "Watch what you say and do, Little eyes are watching you"- Reba McEntire
4. "Without heroes, we are all plain people, and we don't know how far we can get" -Benard Malamud
5. “The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams.” -Oprah Winfrey
6."A Hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to peserve and endure in spite of overwheling obstacles"- Christopher Reeve
7. "Be Different, Stand out, and Work your butt off."- Reba McEntire
8.“Make sure you're always giving, way more than you're taking” - Reba McEntire
9. “I will be thinking of you with positive thoughts and prayers... Hang in there. And PLEASE Continue to "Dream On"” -Reba McEntire to me 
10.“Laughter is timeless. Imagination has no age. And dreams are forever.” -Walt Disney Company

Top Ten Hobbies
1. Listening to music
2. Drawing
3. Swinging
4. Playing with my chihuahuas
5. Visiting with True Friends
6. Reading
7. Writing my blog
8. Making someone's day
9. Craft projects
10. Jigsaw Puzzles

Top Ten Things That Make me Happy
1. My Heroes (Especially Reba Nell McEntire)
2. Music
3. My Dreams
4. Drawing
5. Swinging and listening to music
6. Making someone's day with simple things
7. My doggies Tinkerbelle and Princess
8. My True Friends
9. The Sun shining
10. Waking up know I have a purpose in life.. Not sure exactly what that is but Im excited to find out someday.

There you have it. I did it. I hope that you learn alittle more about me. IF you would like to do a top ten list, they are a great help into helping people get to know you. Post on facebook, Twitter, on paper, or email. Remember to Pay it Forward so that person can also pay it forward :)  I hope you enjoyed my lists! Have a great week!!! Love you all!!! TTFN, DreamGirl

One little word with so much meaning

Hi Everyone,
I just wanted to let you know that I am still here. Some days I wont lie, I wish I wasnt but somehow I pull through one way or another. I just feel like I want to do something.. Just not sure what... Its like being in a tunnel with two ways out and your unsure which way to do go. and so you sit down and ponder. Well I have sat for 11 years now and not sure my next move.

A little while back I went with a friend (Jenna Jones :) ) to have a Spa Day. I knew of this friend in high school but we were never really friends. I connected with her on Facebook. She had ask me if I wanted to have a spa day with her. I was really kinda scared to begin with. I'm self conscious for one. Im not one to wear a bathing suit in front of people. There is always the fear of accidents due to my Spina Bifida. But I took a chance and I agreed to go with her. I had a lot of things that rang through my mind. This happens to every thing I do. But after getting there and relaxing. Realizing that she didnt care about my differences, she just wanted to be a friend. She didn't have to reach out to a complete stranger but I so owe her so much for that day and for being such a sweet person. She is truly one of my best friends now. I honestly had the most fun I have had in a while. I learned that day that I need to quit worrying about the little things and enjoy myself.  So that little story goes into what this post is all about..... Enjoy! 


I wanted to talk about something that is a big topic in my life.. Its a simple thing called Fear. OK, so its not such a simple thing. Its actually a huge complicated thing. So I want to break it down and tell you what scares me the most.


Fear.. One little word with so much meaning.. Fear can be the sweat dripping down your face as you walk along through the woods . Fear is the anxiety of waiting for your report card, so you can grab it first rather then your parents. Fear is all the sharks swimming freely in the ocean while you are swimming. Fear is "a feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the existence or presence of danger." A disturbance when danger is around or when you experience jeopardy, you yourself are worried for your well-being and comfort. Fear is a negative emotional state that is a state of mind. A state or condition marked by this feeling, says that it is the stipulation that you are in or that you think of when you are scared. There are many different opinions on the real meaning of the word "fear" and most dictionaries have different examples as well. There are many different types of fears, known as phobias, which are abnormal, or irrational fears of specific things. The word phobia comes from the Greek word, Phobos, meaning fear. The most well known phobia is most likely arachnophobia, which is the fear of spiders. no matter what, everyone experiences fear at some point of their life.

You could experience fear when someone frightens you and they surprise you and you jump in bewilderment. Some people will say that you made their heart stop or something of the sort from being so surprised. Some people scream as loud as possible and quiver. Also some people are so scared that they just stand there like they are frozen. Some people may pass out like in the movies, but that probably doesn't happen often. People who are easily frightened are categorized as "scardy cats." I believe it's because cats are also easily frightened.

Growing up I feared a lot of things like not fitting in anywhere, having accidents in public, not finding friends that are true, and not living up to my parents expectations. I also have a big fear of spiders, rodents, snakes, and sometimes the dark. I feared my parents loved my brothers more because they were athletic and not different like me. I always kinda felt like a burden to my family. I also feared being rejected by people everywhere. I would throw a fit to use a wheelchair places because of the stares I would get. I feared every time I go to Detroit , that they would tell me that I would need surgery. I have what you would call a huge stage fright issue. I am also scared to death of change. Small or big. I have a fear that I wont be able to get to talk to my hero Reba someday (I try not to think of this because I truly believe it will happen but there is always that little voice in your head). Another big one for me is the fear of letting one in my heart again due to the fear of them being taken from me. 

Now that I am grown, I have learned my fears are something that drives my life. I know I shouldn't let them but I'm unsure how to "go out and kick ass" :)  I know for me I hid from fear. Run as far and as fast as I can in the other direction. Yeah, I know that is not what you are suppose to do but I've done it for some many years.  

Many people are asking me about the dentist.. A lot of people are telling its just the dentist.. No big deal... But to be dead honest its a HUGE deal personally for me. I have admitted in previous posts that when my Grandma Rita died I shut down. Well when I was a little girl, we would take trips down to the Dr. Hale's office to get our teeth cleaned and checked. My Grandma was a receptionist at the office. I can remember going in and she would always be there at the counter. She would go back in the room with us too if we wanted. She was there when I honestly was scared out of my mind. She would tell me it will be ok and that after we would go out and have fun. She would tell us funny things to make me smile.  Every time I went to the dentist, she was there. Most people say that I need to just get over it because I am a grown up and she is gone. I cant change that. But its a process Im working with. I remember about a year after she died. Going with my mom to the dentist. I got through the cleaning and such and then couldn't do it anymore and ran out... I never went back to one for almost 10 years! 

 I recently have step foot back into the dentist office. My mom had to work so I went alone. I was scared to death. I walked into the waiting room and sat down. My mom told me to take my IPod to listen to Reba to calm my nerves. (Reba is a huge help in the fear category) The hygienist called my name and I followed her back to the room. There was the chair and all the tools. I sat down and it was like I was sucked into my mind. Pictures of my grandma came into view. Her holding my hand. The last day I saw her.  I stayed calm till it was all over. The dentist came in and told me all I needed done and that set in the fear head on. I walked quietly out to my car. I really wanted to call my mom and cry my eyes out. but I got in my car and drove home. I balled all the way there. Sent a text to my mom. It read "Do you really want to know why I hate going to the dentist?.... She isn't there anymore!" A friend calmed me down over a chat on facebook.. Thank you! You know who you are :)  Its isn't that I hate the dentist. I just didn't want to relive the memories. There is a reason I buried them so far underneath. Especially the sad memories of knowing she will never hold my hand again.

I know that I will not just get over my fears in one day or week or even a year but I am ready to go head on with some of them. Some of them I will have to take them step by step. I ask of my friends, that they continue to help me get through my fears and understand that I am ready to face them but I may need a little or a lot of help to get through them because I give up easier than I should. I need them to know not to give up on me because if they do then I will. Even if I can say it, I need help!   

Here my little piece of advice on fear.. If you cant do it on your own ASK FOR HELP! 

Thank you for reading! TTFN, Dream Girl 

Kreativ Blogger Award

WOW!!! This was a nice surprise for me this afternoon. A HUGE thank you to Rebecka Vigus for nominating me for this award. If you'd like to know more about Rebecka check out her blog at /http://ramblingsbyrebecka.blogspot.com/. Thank you again Ms. Vigus, I'm very humbled and excited .

According to the Kreativ Blogger rules, accepting the award includes the following: 1) Thanking the the blogger who nominated me and providing a link back to their blog. 2) Sharing 10 things about yourself that bloggers might find interesting. 3) Nominating 6 bloggers to receive the award and informing them.

Here goes 10 things about me:


1. I am 22 years old and have a disability called Spina Bifida with Hydrocephlus. Short description of what that is when i was in my mom's belly some of the nerves were exposed and got damaged. I have no feeling in my feet. I have bladder and bowel problems. I wear leg braces. 


2. I love to read, write, hang out with friends, and listen to music. 


3. My hero is Reba McEntire. She saved my life in so many ways. I only wish to get to tell her in person one day! She is a constant comfort in the mess of a world. 


4. I have two chihuahuas named Princess and Tinkerbelle (Belle) They might be called ankle biter but they are the sweetest dogs you will ever meet. 


5. I live day to day with depression. Some days are better than others. Some I just want to hide away but I am learning to over come it. I am learning to let things out instead of keeping it locked inside.  


6. Friends are the world to me. If you learn to look past the disability then I think I am a pretty nice person. 


7. I think teachers are the world. I have alot of friends that are teachers and they are the best people I know. 


8. I get nervous doing new things. My whole body shakes.. and the tears sometimes/usually comes by that time. 


9. My favorite music is country music. Id rather listen to a soft ballad than a head banging song. 


10.  I live each day with small baby steps. I know one day I will get where I am going but for now I will accept the little things in life. 

Here are my nominations 

http://www.yardsaledriveby.blogspot.com. 


http://wwwkennedyrock.blogspot.com/


http://spinabifidakids.blogspot.com/ 


http://kyladedah.blogspot.com/ 

http://thechallegesifaceinlife.blogspot.com/ 


http://savannahsrandoms.blogspot.com/ 


Thank you and have a great day!!! TTFN, Dream Girl <3