Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Family is not always Blood Related

Dear Friends, I hope that you all had a great Christmas! I hope that you got alot of nice things from Santa. :) Also hope you enjoyed your family and friends. I know most of my post have been on the negative side of things but I'm just trying to sort all my thoughts out. The following post is a post I started to write Christmas Eve while attending my dads side of the family Christmas. I love my family don't get me wrong but sometimes.....

Family..... What makes someone family? Is it the same blood that run through your veins as theirs? Is it the people that say I have to love you but I do not have like you? Is it the people that say something that makes you happy or is it the people that tell you the truth? Is it a person that keeps secrets then goes tens minutes later gossips about them to someone else in the family and it goes around the whole family?

Family is a great thing that one can have. Some of them are so supportive and great to lean on. But as a girl with a disability (the only one (not sure if there is another one to date) with Spina Bifida anywhere close to) it is hard to connect with people even family that sometimes judges you about your disability. As a young girl it was hard to not feel out of place. I felt like some of the family didn't want anything to do with me till they needed something. I know they probably didn't know how to include me in alot of things but it get frustrating because I was unsure how to include myself. Some times I felt out of place and sometimes still do.  

I realized that it happens to the "baby" of the family alot in some non-disabled families but as I am hearing from messages and comments, its happening to alot of kids with disabilities that have siblings. They walk in the shadows of their non disabled siblings. Most of us that do are very unsure of ourselves and unsure of how to per say get out that "shadow". You get comfortable and live your life like that.. I never new any better I guess.

From experience I grew up with two very athletic and were very good at school brothers. They were praised by my family so many times I lost count. They are still the talk of town. I would go to most of the sports events (as I got older I would stay home because I didn't want to go for many reasons). I just went with the flow like I do most days. As I grew older the jealousy set in but as time went on it began to grow big time in me. They would bring home trophy after trophy and I would imagine me getting one but never believe I would ever get one. My parents would push me to do stuff but I felt like a loser. I hated being the one that went to the bathroom different, walked different, and had to do all the things that comes with a disability.

I did do Girl Scouts but as the years when on my troop dissolved. So many people in my family did Scouts, my grandma Rita was a leader, my mom got her gold star (I think that is what it is called), I wanted to be just like that but it began to be more of paperwork then actually doing something fun. I liked Girl Scouts don't get me wrong but I did have thoughts about not belonging. They were girls that were my friends and I appreciate their friendship but there was always that fear in my head "do they only like me because they feel sorry for me" I know that was rarely the case. One of my Best Friends I found while in Girl Scouts. We did so many things together. We even got a first job together at my mom's ice cream shop.

It was only recently I discovered that your family is your family but you cannot surround your with people that are negative even if some of that negativity is someone in your family :) A person cannot live like that. You have to surround yourself with the ones that love you for you and accept you just the way you are or trying to get to. Family can come in so many forms and sometimes it comes in a form you have to look really hard and it could be someone that you wouldn't think would become family. I know for me that I didn't realize that there were "family" out there that would listen and care enough not to judge but to help. I found these people on this journey of self worth. Most of these people are not blood related but I consider them my family. They help me with whatever I need whether is a story to make me laugh, a hug, a lunch date, comments on face book, cards in the mail, encouragement, phone calls, and the best of all showing they care. These people are the greatest in the world. They know who they are and know that without them there I would be where I am today!

I'm a kind of person that cannot stand a judgemental family/friends and people that need to know something just to judge you. I realize that alot

So it boils down to this... Family doesn't have to be blood related at all. Find People who love you for you not your actions, people who you can lean on, and people that believe in you. Judging people before you know the situation is not good.

Thank you for reading and Let me know what you think of this blog and others if you would like :) I love to get feedback and know that what I write people actually want to read :) Merry Christmas!! Love you! TTFN,


  1. As always your posts are thought provoking. Many non-disabled people cannot see beyond the ends of their noses. To them family is those you live with.
    I have a family I was born into. I can't change who they are. Then I had a school family. While I am no longer in the school setting, many of the people who influenced me during my career are as close to me as the family I was born into.
    I feel blessed because of the people who know me and love me anyway.

  2. Another poignant post, Jen. There is one line that really caught my attention: "I know they probably didn't know how to include me in alot of things but it gets frustrating because I was unsure how to include myself." I guess that resonated with me because it's so much how I felt and how I still feel. Often, I feel like I just don't get it, that I'm too different, too stupid, just too, too, too. I have learned that my lack of self-esteem doesn't help anyone (myself or those I love). I continue to work to get past my old programming that I'm not good enough or that there is something "wrong" with me. Your ability to look at life and explain things continues to be an inspiration to me. Thanks for sharing!

  3. You have been nominated for a Liebster Award. Please go to www.ramblingsbyrebecka.blogspot.com for details.