Saturday, October 27, 2012

You will Never Know

Hey everyone,
I hope you have a great weekend! Thank you so much for reading this! <3

The Dictionary defines confidence as freedom of doubt; belief in yourself and your abilities. Many people lack the self-confidence and self-esteem needed to live a happy and healthy life. Self-esteem is a confidence and satisfaction in oneself. These two things must be present in people’s daily lives in order for them to believe that they have the ability to do anything. At this point in my life I am trying to gain the esteem I need to truly be happy. The best way to gain self-confidence is to look deep inside of yourself and believe that you have the ability to overcome all obstacles and challenges that you are faced with, on a daily bases, because our self-esteem is one of the few things that we have control over. Self-confidence is something that cannot be taught. It is up to the individual to decide how much belief that they possess inside of themselves. I am at the point where I realize that I must first believe in myself before others will believe in me. Nobody teaches us to be happy or sad. They are natural feelings that come along as we develop mentally, physically, emotionally and psychologically.

I want everyone to know that I may act strong and confident when I am out in public but I am far from it. I have demons (Alot due to my SB) I face everyday and probably will for a long time. I can make everyone believe I am happy with myself but to be truthfully honest I am not that happy with myself but I am working on it. I am asking everyone I know to realize that dealing with Depression is the hardest thing I have ever done. Most days I cant even get out bed because I think what is the use or my dreams (sleep ones) are alot better than real life. I try to plan things so I have purpose to get out of bed or I will honestly sleep all day and then stay up all night over thinking. I am not asking for you all to come bang on my door and drop your own lives for me because talking with people that is not how I can handle this properly but I want people to be aware that it exist. I am beginning to realize that if I need help I need to ask for it but a lot of the time yes I am scared to ask. I have a group of people that I have come to realize I can turn to when I get sad or frustrated with life. I know it will take time to break down all the walls I have built to seal my heart but I am not giving up!

I also have a friend/ sister that I text everyday to just keep in touch with someone because it makes me realize I have a purpose in life. It makes my day to get a text back from her (She know who she is... Jamie). That one or few texts from her I get everyday makes me realize I can get through anything that day because she is there for me. She is one of a few that makes me feel this way. Knowing that people care about me is critical to helping me achieve what I want in life. I use to think that who wants to love a girl that is overweight, has braces, goes to the bath differently, and such but I am getting use to people liking me for who I am. I just hope they know I am really truly grateful for their love and support even if it is a dinner, a simple I love you text, a picture, or post/tweet. I am dead serious it keeps me going :)

I text, write friends all the time because I dont want them to feel the way I do a lot of times. Everyone wants to feel like they matter and are loved every second of the day. I also don't turn down going out with friends when they ask because I want to get this under control which a year ago I would have. I plan on taking it one step at a time. I know it will take some getting use to and I hope that I can figure it all out with the help of my friends and family :)  

So I want the person that is reading this fo make sure that they check with friends, family, and such. I know life can get busy and you need to focus on your own life but arent we here to help others! When you reach out a helping hand could mean the world to someone because you dont know others stories


Monday, October 22, 2012

Im Gonna Love You Through It

I know its been a while since I have blogged but I have been trying to keep busy. Let me thank you for taking the time to read this and making me feel so loved with all the support for this blog!

This weekend has been one for the record books for this whole change thing sorta. On Saturday I went out the the lake house to clean my newer car out. Hopefully can get that running soon so I can get to driving it. As I was cleaning it out, my cousin Ashley called and wanted to know if I could babysit for a few hours. I agreed because she needs the help and I need the money too. Also I love it! I finished what I was doing and then headed to her house. The three hours were a challenge but I handed it. They got back and wanted to know if I wanted to play the wii and eat pizza. I agreed. Lets just say that was the most fun I have had in a long time. We played Mario for about four hours laughing and having a blast all night long. I was the Winner at the end!   

Sunday was a very different day but fun for me. I got up and dressed. I had plans of going to Holt with a friend of mine to be involved in a video shoot for anti-bullying that her daughter was doing. If you know me this would be something I would try to avoid due to what I call my shyness. Well I wanted to get out of town for the day and hang with my second family and get to see one of my best friends/"sisters". All the night before I was praying to have a little one on one time with my "sister". (Never wanted it the way it came though) The nerves hit right away as I got up. I got in the shower and dressed. I had put Reba on to calm my nerves. 

I waited for my friend to show up and we headed to Holt. I was excited and nerves at the same time. We arrived at the park that the video was to be held. It was so beautiful. We got to shooting some of the video. Then all of a sudden my friend sat down and looked like she didn't feel good. We moved to another part of the park and to finish the shooting.. My friend sat where we started out.  A few mins later my "sister" came over and asked if she could borrow my chair. I thought yes of course thinking she was going to get my friend/ her mom and bring her to where we were. We finished shooting but all the time I was thinking I hope she is OK  We finished up and waited for my chair to come back. When I got it back we went back to where we shot the first footage. I saw an ambulance and my heart dropped and I began to be scared alittle but I kept my emotions in because I knew at that instance I needed to be there for my "sister". She asked me if I wanted to go back to her house with her husband and son or with her to the hospital with to be with her mom/my friend. I knew instantly I wanted to be there for her and my friend, there was no doubt about that one. 

We headed the ER. As we headed to the ER, my sister and I talked. It was like having a conversation that I had never really had growing up. It is nice to have friends like that. At the ER, we found her mom/my friend. They were hooking her up to all kind of heart monitors and such like they do. We sat there keeping each other company while they figure out what was going on. Even under the circumtances, we keep the atmosphere laughable. I hadnt laugh in a hospital really before. All the time they were trying to figure out how to get me home I was thinking that I didnt want to go home till we figure out what was going on because I know that I wouldnt want to be alone if it was my mom in there.  Also nothing was more important then being there for them. We were there for a few hours while they did test and such. Come to find out that my friend was dehydrated and some other issues came up that needs prayers but its all ok and they released her. They gave my friend the all clear but to follow up with her doctor at home and to watch herself more. We left my sister in the parking lot because her husband was going to come get her. 

As I gave her a hug though, it was like I had  a million things I wanted to tell my "sister" before we left. Its amazing how one person can help you so much in such a short period. We had only met this past summer but she and her family have helped me realize so much like there are people out there that love you for who you are not for what you do. I cant tell her how much she basically has saved my life. I know we live far from each other and such but she is forever in my thoughts and prayers every second of the day. I text her everyday to make sure she is OK. that is what friends do, be there for each other. I only hope she and my friend know how much I love them and thank God everyday they came into my life! <3  

People asked me all the time why I text, Facebook, Tweet, and such a person so much. I do that because no one is promised tomorrow or the next hour of life. I want them to know I love them and appreciate them because isnt that what we are here for to love one another. So here is my advice to everyone.. TEXT,CALL, FACBOOK, TWEET, GO SEE, WRITE LETTERS, or whatever to your love ones (family, friends, friends that are like family) everyday, twice, three times, every three hours a day! It doesnt matter how you might think that you might be bugging them or nagging them, they might actually need to hear it! 



Tuesday, October 9, 2012

God Bless the Broken Road

Hi Everyone,
This past Saturday I celebrated my 23rd birthday. This birthday I thought was going to be like any other birthday. I wished all my birthday wishes and others up to the sky and had hoped that they would all come true. There were three main wishes this year.. 1. For Jenna Jones to recieve enough money to go to LA for the IMTA convention 2. To get a Ms.Coe hug and chat with her about things happening and make sure she is doing ok  3. to see Keith Allen. Well, Two out of these three wishes came true.. Jenna received enough money to save her spot for IMTA Convention and Ms.Coe came home to get thing organized. Not giving up on the last one or any of my other wishes! You may asked why I wished these wishes, is a hard thing to explain but they are close to my heart!

Well my birthday celebration started out on Friday, I was home cleaning and sorting through a lot of things and just kinda bumming around the house till my mom got out of work at four.. Well about 1:00pm, there was a knock on the door. A lady from Rose City Greenhouse was there holding the most beautiful bouquet of flowers I have ever seen. I opened the card and they were from two of the sweetest people I have ever met... Ms. Rebecka Vigus and her daughter/my sister Jamie Kline. These two people have changed my life for the better in so many ways. What they dont know is that I havent recieved flowers for a very long time and it meant so much to me! I love them both and thank them from the bottom of my heart! Also on Friday I got to go out to Big Boy and celebrate with Ms.Vigus, which was a blast. I got sung "Happy Birthday" to and had the most delicious dessert I have had in a while!
My Birthday Flowers from Jamie and Ms.Vigus! I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!

My mom asked me if I wanted to go out to the movies and lunch on my birthday (Saturday). I told her that sounded like fun. So I woke up excited to spend the day with my mom. I didnt think really anything of it. I had made plans with Ms.Coe to see her on Sunday due to my mom and I already made plans and I didnt want to miss her due to seeing her was one of my wishes!

I got out to the lake house a little late but that was ok. I got out there and my parents handed me a card.. On the front was a bunch of bands.. (A few weeks ago I had helped my mom and her friend Katie pick out tickets for Katie's daughter Brooke for her bday because she loved Little Big Town. I really didnt think anything of it. I thought that would be cool to see them because I have never been to a concert on my birthday but didnt think I was really going.. ) Back to the card my parents handed me.. Inside it read " I really hope you didnt want to go to the movies and lunch because we are meeting up with Katie and Brook".. Seriously!!! I was speechless.. I was like in seventh heaven!

We left and went to Katie house and switched over to her van. The ride was long but it was ok. On the way to Grand Rapids though. My phone went off , I looked at it and it read "Mrs. Green Cell". I answered it. She wished me happy birthday and said Guess where I am? I was like "Where?". She told me that she was in Rose City and would be for a couple of days! I couldnt believe it. I caught a few tears rolling down my cheek. How could this day get any better. I recieved flowers, cards, and FB messages, Ms.Coe was home, I was going to see Rascel Flatts in Concert, and now Mrs.Green was in MI!!! I got off the phone and was in the best mood Ive ever been in.

We got to Grand Rapids and went to Ruby Tuesday's to eat. Very good food. Alittle on the expensive side
though. We had a little time to kill before the concert so we went to Target. That was a blast. We went down the Halloween aisle and tried on masks, hats, and such.

We got to Van Andel Arena and found where we would have to go to find seats. We went to the merchandise booth next. I looked at all the things. I brought money to get a shirt and things. I got a shirt with Rascal Flatts on it, an Eden's Edge picture, Little Big Town Picture, and a Rascal Flatts picture. They didnt have an Eli Young Band one or I would have gotten one. We then went to our seats. Eden's Edge came out on stage. I had seen them with Reba the last time I had went to see her. They sang their number one hit "Amen" and a bunch of others. Then Eli Young Band came out and did their set. I love their song " Crazy Girl". Little Big Town came out. They were also amazing as ever. I have also seen them once a few years ago with Martina McBride but they weren't as big as they are now. Brooke and Katie's favorite song is Pontoon. I love "Boondocks, Bring It On Home".  Then for the main event Rascal Flatts! They came on stage and were amazing as ever! They had these light things that were amazing and unique. They sang so many of my favorite songs. Some of my favorite are Mayberry, I Wont Let Go, Life is a Highway, and my ultimate favorite is Stand. Sitting there listening to them sing made me realize that I have a long way to go in figuring out who I am and where I am going in life but that my dreams matter and not to let them fade away. The concert got done about 11:00pm. We headed home. We did have a little adventure on the way home though. We got about 1 hour away and hit a deer. It damaged the front of Katie's van real bad. It took us a while to get home after that. I came home and slept.. Check my facebook and saw I had over 70 wishes which made my day end perfectly!

On Sunday I got up and ran to Walmart because I needed a phone card for my phone and I wanted to get it before Mrs.Green called. I made that Walmart stop so fast. I got back home and my phone decided to deactivated. I hurried and ran to the lake house and I called Mrs.Green off my dad's phone. She came and got me from the lake house. I was really super happy to see her. It made my birthday a whole bunch better. We went to Sunrise for lunch. We chatted about everything happening with me and all the stuff happening with her too. It was so nice to relax and have fun with a true friend. It has been really cool to get to see her so much more this year! I love her so much. She has helped me so much all these years! She dropped me back off at the lake house. I was such in a amazing mood. I came home and took an hour or so nap. 

About 4ish there was a knock on my door. Lets just say wishes do come true. It was Ms.Coe! She gave me a hug and sat down and we chatted for a while. It was so nice to get to see her again! I know her life is hectic right now and she is doing what she needs to do but to take time and come see me especially with my bday the day before meant more than I could possible say! We chatted about life and how much changes are happening. She has been there for me so much and I appreciate everything from the love and support to the advice and tough love! We chatted for a bit and then she left. I sat down and looked around. I didnt realize but tears of joy were running down my cheeks. I guess when people mean so much to you, you appreciate the little things in life. That day I realize with all the negative things in the world there is always going to be people there for you no matter what and that you should be there in return for them! 

So all in all this was the best birthday ever! Wishing on shooting stars works and that life is a highway but you should enjoy the ride! Will update you again soon! TTFN, Jen 

PS. Thank you for reading this! I hope that you realize that you are special to me! <3