Saturday, May 26, 2012

One little word with so much meaning

Hi Everyone,
I just wanted to let you know that I am still here. Some days I wont lie, I wish I wasnt but somehow I pull through one way or another. I just feel like I want to do something.. Just not sure what... Its like being in a tunnel with two ways out and your unsure which way to do go. and so you sit down and ponder. Well I have sat for 11 years now and not sure my next move.

A little while back I went with a friend (Jenna Jones :) ) to have a Spa Day. I knew of this friend in high school but we were never really friends. I connected with her on Facebook. She had ask me if I wanted to have a spa day with her. I was really kinda scared to begin with. I'm self conscious for one. Im not one to wear a bathing suit in front of people. There is always the fear of accidents due to my Spina Bifida. But I took a chance and I agreed to go with her. I had a lot of things that rang through my mind. This happens to every thing I do. But after getting there and relaxing. Realizing that she didnt care about my differences, she just wanted to be a friend. She didn't have to reach out to a complete stranger but I so owe her so much for that day and for being such a sweet person. She is truly one of my best friends now. I honestly had the most fun I have had in a while. I learned that day that I need to quit worrying about the little things and enjoy myself.  So that little story goes into what this post is all about..... Enjoy! 

I wanted to talk about something that is a big topic in my life.. Its a simple thing called Fear. OK, so its not such a simple thing. Its actually a huge complicated thing. So I want to break it down and tell you what scares me the most.

Fear.. One little word with so much meaning.. Fear can be the sweat dripping down your face as you walk along through the woods . Fear is the anxiety of waiting for your report card, so you can grab it first rather then your parents. Fear is all the sharks swimming freely in the ocean while you are swimming. Fear is "a feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the existence or presence of danger." A disturbance when danger is around or when you experience jeopardy, you yourself are worried for your well-being and comfort. Fear is a negative emotional state that is a state of mind. A state or condition marked by this feeling, says that it is the stipulation that you are in or that you think of when you are scared. There are many different opinions on the real meaning of the word "fear" and most dictionaries have different examples as well. There are many different types of fears, known as phobias, which are abnormal, or irrational fears of specific things. The word phobia comes from the Greek word, Phobos, meaning fear. The most well known phobia is most likely arachnophobia, which is the fear of spiders. no matter what, everyone experiences fear at some point of their life.

You could experience fear when someone frightens you and they surprise you and you jump in bewilderment. Some people will say that you made their heart stop or something of the sort from being so surprised. Some people scream as loud as possible and quiver. Also some people are so scared that they just stand there like they are frozen. Some people may pass out like in the movies, but that probably doesn't happen often. People who are easily frightened are categorized as "scardy cats." I believe it's because cats are also easily frightened.

Growing up I feared a lot of things like not fitting in anywhere, having accidents in public, not finding friends that are true, and not living up to my parents expectations. I also have a big fear of spiders, rodents, snakes, and sometimes the dark. I feared my parents loved my brothers more because they were athletic and not different like me. I always kinda felt like a burden to my family. I also feared being rejected by people everywhere. I would throw a fit to use a wheelchair places because of the stares I would get. I feared every time I go to Detroit , that they would tell me that I would need surgery. I have what you would call a huge stage fright issue. I am also scared to death of change. Small or big. I have a fear that I wont be able to get to talk to my hero Reba someday (I try not to think of this because I truly believe it will happen but there is always that little voice in your head). Another big one for me is the fear of letting one in my heart again due to the fear of them being taken from me. 

Now that I am grown, I have learned my fears are something that drives my life. I know I shouldn't let them but I'm unsure how to "go out and kick ass" :)  I know for me I hid from fear. Run as far and as fast as I can in the other direction. Yeah, I know that is not what you are suppose to do but I've done it for some many years.  

Many people are asking me about the dentist.. A lot of people are telling its just the dentist.. No big deal... But to be dead honest its a HUGE deal personally for me. I have admitted in previous posts that when my Grandma Rita died I shut down. Well when I was a little girl, we would take trips down to the Dr. Hale's office to get our teeth cleaned and checked. My Grandma was a receptionist at the office. I can remember going in and she would always be there at the counter. She would go back in the room with us too if we wanted. She was there when I honestly was scared out of my mind. She would tell me it will be ok and that after we would go out and have fun. She would tell us funny things to make me smile.  Every time I went to the dentist, she was there. Most people say that I need to just get over it because I am a grown up and she is gone. I cant change that. But its a process Im working with. I remember about a year after she died. Going with my mom to the dentist. I got through the cleaning and such and then couldn't do it anymore and ran out... I never went back to one for almost 10 years! 

 I recently have step foot back into the dentist office. My mom had to work so I went alone. I was scared to death. I walked into the waiting room and sat down. My mom told me to take my IPod to listen to Reba to calm my nerves. (Reba is a huge help in the fear category) The hygienist called my name and I followed her back to the room. There was the chair and all the tools. I sat down and it was like I was sucked into my mind. Pictures of my grandma came into view. Her holding my hand. The last day I saw her.  I stayed calm till it was all over. The dentist came in and told me all I needed done and that set in the fear head on. I walked quietly out to my car. I really wanted to call my mom and cry my eyes out. but I got in my car and drove home. I balled all the way there. Sent a text to my mom. It read "Do you really want to know why I hate going to the dentist?.... She isn't there anymore!" A friend calmed me down over a chat on facebook.. Thank you! You know who you are :)  Its isn't that I hate the dentist. I just didn't want to relive the memories. There is a reason I buried them so far underneath. Especially the sad memories of knowing she will never hold my hand again.

I know that I will not just get over my fears in one day or week or even a year but I am ready to go head on with some of them. Some of them I will have to take them step by step. I ask of my friends, that they continue to help me get through my fears and understand that I am ready to face them but I may need a little or a lot of help to get through them because I give up easier than I should. I need them to know not to give up on me because if they do then I will. Even if I can say it, I need help!   

Here my little piece of advice on fear.. If you cant do it on your own ASK FOR HELP! 

Thank you for reading! TTFN, Dream Girl 

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Kreativ Blogger Award

WOW!!! This was a nice surprise for me this afternoon. A HUGE thank you to Rebecka Vigus for nominating me for this award. If you'd like to know more about Rebecka check out her blog at / Thank you again Ms. Vigus, I'm very humbled and excited .

According to the Kreativ Blogger rules, accepting the award includes the following: 1) Thanking the the blogger who nominated me and providing a link back to their blog. 2) Sharing 10 things about yourself that bloggers might find interesting. 3) Nominating 6 bloggers to receive the award and informing them.

Here goes 10 things about me:

1. I am 22 years old and have a disability called Spina Bifida with Hydrocephlus. Short description of what that is when i was in my mom's belly some of the nerves were exposed and got damaged. I have no feeling in my feet. I have bladder and bowel problems. I wear leg braces. 

2. I love to read, write, hang out with friends, and listen to music. 

3. My hero is Reba McEntire. She saved my life in so many ways. I only wish to get to tell her in person one day! She is a constant comfort in the mess of a world. 

4. I have two chihuahuas named Princess and Tinkerbelle (Belle) They might be called ankle biter but they are the sweetest dogs you will ever meet. 

5. I live day to day with depression. Some days are better than others. Some I just want to hide away but I am learning to over come it. I am learning to let things out instead of keeping it locked inside.  

6. Friends are the world to me. If you learn to look past the disability then I think I am a pretty nice person. 

7. I think teachers are the world. I have alot of friends that are teachers and they are the best people I know. 

8. I get nervous doing new things. My whole body shakes.. and the tears sometimes/usually comes by that time. 

9. My favorite music is country music. Id rather listen to a soft ballad than a head banging song. 

10.  I live each day with small baby steps. I know one day I will get where I am going but for now I will accept the little things in life. 

Here are my nominations 


Thank you and have a great day!!! TTFN, Dream Girl <3 

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Teachers are what makes the world go around..

Hi Everyone,
Sorry Im late for a post for last week.. But better late than never because it is one of the most important ones.. 
I wanted to honor Teacher Appreication Day/ Week and come to find out that was last week.. So here it goes..

Elementary School- Alot of these years are foggy but i know that each of these teachers are special in their own ways. I love them all with all my heart!!! 

Peter Pan- Kathy Curtis- Love you Aunt Kathy!!!!! 
PreK-2nd grade- Ms.Permonda, Ms. Bulhman, Mrs.Friday, Ms.Slighter- I dont remember much but you have help shape me into the woman I am today! Thank you!! 
3rd grade (both years) Mrs Kathy Green- One word sums her all up HERO!! I love her from the bottom of my heart and always will!! I do miss seeing her everyday though.. but she is the best pen-pal ever!! I wont lie, when she moved away I was one sad girl but I knew that we would stay in touch! <3 
4th grade- Ms.Perry- You are the sweetest. You taught me alot about myself. 
                   Ms.Haviland- I only recently learned that she passed away. I wish I could have told her that she made such an impact on my life. 

MIDDLE SCHOOL- Each one of these teachers taught me so many things in one way or another. Each have special qualities that are amazing as ever. 

5th grade- Mrs.Rossi- I remember the first time I met you.. You were so nice to me and welcoming.. But when you moved away.. I was devastated! Im so glad we reconnected!! Love you! 
                   Ms.Trudell- U taught me so much! You are the most caring person I know! I remember how you helped me in Field day things.. 
6th grade- Ms.Lee- I owe you more than you will ever know.. I know I was (Im not going to sugar coat) a pain in the ass.. I hated P.E. but I am forever grateful for you never giving up on me EVER.. You help me everyday 
                   Mr. Elliott- Youre such an amazing teacher.. you made middle school so fun with all the project you let us do.. You liking Reba was cool too. I miss your hugs!! 
                   Ms.Pennell- Your class was fun to do.. I remember having tons of laughs
                   Ms. Coe- I know Ive stated before that you are just the best.. but you are more than that.. You keep me grounded.. Your stories are timeless.. Your hugs are magic! You are one of the best people Ive met. Im so grateful I can call you a friend/hero. 
7th grade-Mrs.Campbell- You are sweet! You have always been in my corner and I appreciate that so much! 
                  Mrs.Zawacki- Your class was awesome.. I dont remember much but I do remember alot of great stories we read :) 
8th grade-Ms.Scheel- You are so fun. You made me feel so included in everything and still do. You are a true sweetheart!
                Mr. Erickson- You are an amazing science teacher. 8th grade year was such a blast.. one of my favorite years thanks to you! 

Other teachers/parapros -Mrs. Wonicki-Likavec (I love you tons and you know that I appreciate all the support and love from you), Mrs. Allison (thanks for all the help and advice, it is great to see you around sometimes),Mr. Logan (Thanks for helping me get to student aide in Mrs.Green class before she retired, you will never know how much that made my year!) , Mrs.Benjamin (Youre friendship means the world to me! I miss seeing you everyday at school) Ms.Vigus (You one of the sweetest people I Know.. You have helped me in so many ways I cant thank you enough.. I never really had you as a teacher but youve been a wonderful friend this past year!) , Mrs. VanWarmer (You are the greatest! You helped me is so many ways in school! You showed me that I can do anything and I am grateful for you in finding Destiny! I only wish I could have stayed connected with her!)

HIGH SCHOOL- I thank everyone of you for all you did for me.. Some teachers that stood out from all the rest are.....

Mr. Money- Thank you for all the great advice and showing me that teachers care. You are one awesome teacher and I am glad I can call you a friend.

Mrs. Anne Clayton- Thank you for showing me the world of art and helping me with it. I always will treasure those moments in art class. Also thank you for your friendship and guidance

Ms. Maddie Glomski- Thank you for all you did for me in French class. I learn so much from you and am grateful for it! Thank you also for your friendship, kindness, and guidance. You are an amazing support and I appreicate it more than you will ever know.

Mrs.Laurie Rose- You are a sweetheart. You are caring, fun, and so amazing. You showed me that I can write if I put my mind to it..

Other teachers that have impacted my life are Jane Hollingworth (she is family basically! I love her so much! Miss seeing her around!), My mom (she is basically been my hero since day one.. I dont say it as much as i should but she is the best!), and any other one that I missed due to my brain not working lol..

I believe with my whole heart that teachers are the most unappriecated people.. So I am going to take a minute and tell teachers that they matter to me personally.. Each one on this list and ones I may have forgotten are so special to me in their own little way! I love them with all my heart.. They continue to help me each and everyday!! I can only hope that I can live my life like each one of these people because they are true heroes in my book! If you know a teacher, call, Text, facebook, go see in person, them!! They are amazing! I would be where I am and continue to find me without so many of these people!! I love you all!! 

TTFN, Dream Girl