I hope that you all are having a great day/night! Thank you again for reading this. I hope that i can continue to inspire people with whatever I can do.. I know my story isnt the the best one and yes most of all of it could have been different but I just how fate wanted it.
There is a story that I found that honestly it explains how I feel lately and in the past..
As a man was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not.
He saw a trainer nearby and asked why these animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. Well, trainer said, when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, its enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.
I know I should be able to just go out and show the world what I am made of. But for so many years I have just went with the flow... I would take what I get. Living in a fog that kept me safe.. Pushing my dreams farther and farther away. I am not saying my parents I don't love my parents but they had two other kids to worry about. They never saw me falling down and I didn't want them to see.. I would tell myself that I wasnt any good.. I was different and not any good. I would fail at something and I would prove that I was lousy and nothing! I would say I will never break free of my disabilty or in fact depression.
I know now that I cant think that way. I have a long way to go but I now know that I will get there someday. I have a hero (Reba McEntire) and I have a head full of dreams! I have amazing friends that keep me up! I also realize that its ok to have down days but I just cant beat myself up about them. Like the saying goes two steps foward, one step back.. you still have one more step then before. So I am going to keep moving forward one step at a time.. Oh and I dont cry myself to sleep everynite anymore. So I know that it seems like I am going no where, I am actually am moving forward.. just at my own pace :)