Saturday, October 27, 2012

You will Never Know

Hey everyone,
I hope you have a great weekend! Thank you so much for reading this! <3

The Dictionary defines confidence as freedom of doubt; belief in yourself and your abilities. Many people lack the self-confidence and self-esteem needed to live a happy and healthy life. Self-esteem is a confidence and satisfaction in oneself. These two things must be present in people’s daily lives in order for them to believe that they have the ability to do anything. At this point in my life I am trying to gain the esteem I need to truly be happy. The best way to gain self-confidence is to look deep inside of yourself and believe that you have the ability to overcome all obstacles and challenges that you are faced with, on a daily bases, because our self-esteem is one of the few things that we have control over. Self-confidence is something that cannot be taught. It is up to the individual to decide how much belief that they possess inside of themselves. I am at the point where I realize that I must first believe in myself before others will believe in me. Nobody teaches us to be happy or sad. They are natural feelings that come along as we develop mentally, physically, emotionally and psychologically.

I want everyone to know that I may act strong and confident when I am out in public but I am far from it. I have demons (Alot due to my SB) I face everyday and probably will for a long time. I can make everyone believe I am happy with myself but to be truthfully honest I am not that happy with myself but I am working on it. I am asking everyone I know to realize that dealing with Depression is the hardest thing I have ever done. Most days I cant even get out bed because I think what is the use or my dreams (sleep ones) are alot better than real life. I try to plan things so I have purpose to get out of bed or I will honestly sleep all day and then stay up all night over thinking. I am not asking for you all to come bang on my door and drop your own lives for me because talking with people that is not how I can handle this properly but I want people to be aware that it exist. I am beginning to realize that if I need help I need to ask for it but a lot of the time yes I am scared to ask. I have a group of people that I have come to realize I can turn to when I get sad or frustrated with life. I know it will take time to break down all the walls I have built to seal my heart but I am not giving up!

I also have a friend/ sister that I text everyday to just keep in touch with someone because it makes me realize I have a purpose in life. It makes my day to get a text back from her (She know who she is... Jamie). That one or few texts from her I get everyday makes me realize I can get through anything that day because she is there for me. She is one of a few that makes me feel this way. Knowing that people care about me is critical to helping me achieve what I want in life. I use to think that who wants to love a girl that is overweight, has braces, goes to the bath differently, and such but I am getting use to people liking me for who I am. I just hope they know I am really truly grateful for their love and support even if it is a dinner, a simple I love you text, a picture, or post/tweet. I am dead serious it keeps me going :)

I text, write friends all the time because I dont want them to feel the way I do a lot of times. Everyone wants to feel like they matter and are loved every second of the day. I also don't turn down going out with friends when they ask because I want to get this under control which a year ago I would have. I plan on taking it one step at a time. I know it will take some getting use to and I hope that I can figure it all out with the help of my friends and family :)  

So I want the person that is reading this fo make sure that they check with friends, family, and such. I know life can get busy and you need to focus on your own life but arent we here to help others! When you reach out a helping hand could mean the world to someone because you dont know others stories



  1. You have a way of getting to the heart of an issue. Jen, you are so blossoming, I'm not letting your crawl back into that dark cave. I love the young woman you are becoming. I'm proud to call you my other daughter. Love you.