Monday, November 28, 2011

If I die young

I hope that you are all having a great night. There is alot of things going through my head. I not sure what to think of all it quite yet. What if I die young? Would people remember me and/or would people want to remember me? Have I touched someones life?

Some of my thoughts are of people that i was close to that died so young and makes me think. Why did they die and so young? I know that none of us can answer that question but we can wonder.

As I was going through my facebook.. I found a friend that is the mom of a dear childhood friend of mine that passed away when I was little. Then you know how in movies those images kinda come back to you. That happened to me.. Most of them were fuzzy but some were of certain things. I was six years old when Megan Fransee died at the age of 11.  I dont remember most things because ive learned that when she died I blocked most of those memories out because I didnt want to hurt. I have a picture of Megan and I before she died. As I look at that picture I close my eyes and can remember for a short moment when that picture was taken. I can still remember when my mom found out of her passing.. I can remember me shutting down little by little. No one really realized that I didnt how to deal. I was 6 years old and had no clue how to comprehend something like that. I never had a friend like her that was like my older sister. As I look back now I am glad I got to have Megan and her family in my life. They have shown me so many things over the years. Her mom Robin is one of the strongest people I know. One of my most memorable times with her would be when she would take my stitches out when I had to have surgeries for my shunt. She is one of sweetest people I know too. Years passed and both of our families did our own things. We drifted apart over the years but they havent been forgotten and Megan will always hold a special place in my heart. She was the first friend I remember accepting me for me.
I wrote a poem for Megan a while back:
Taken too Early
Written by Jen Evans
Gone but not forgotten
You’re always on my mind
A friend from my childhood
That made me be inspired and dream
You were caring and funny
I may not remember all of those great times
I do know the ones that I treasure the most

The one that showed me that even though
I was different
There were people that would care
You were one of those very few
That liked me for me

You may not be here with me
But I know that you are shining in heaven
Looking down on your family and friends
Grinning that smile that lit up the room

I will never forget you my friend
Thank you for making me a better me

More recently there were two teens in the area I live that lost there lives to tragic accidents. Tanya Reilly and Alex Sapp. I knew Tanya as a kid. She lived right down the road from my parents house. We would go snowmobiling, sledding, and other activities with our families. She was in Girl Scouts and lots of sporting events. As Tanya and I were growing up we drifted apart. I would hear about her being in sports and other things. Proud of her for reaching for the stars. She was the sweetest and most caring person. I was in awe of how beautiful she was. When I learned of her accident and she was killed, it was like part of my past was ripped from me. We may have not talked in years but she was a friend. She left a legacy that will live on in her family and friends. I did not know Alex personally but I knew of him. Alot of my cousin were friends with him. I would see him in town. My mom also I think had him in preschool maybe. I know that he lit up the room when he walked into it. Both of these teens will never be forgotten.

My Grandma Rita was the best grandma I could ask for. I was 10 years old when she past away at the age of 50. She lost her battle with cancer on June 10,2000 She was the one that would always be smiling even if she was down in the dumps. She was there for alot of my surgeries and hospital visits. She was the one that would help my mom out when I was stubborn or didnt know what to do. She was also the one the came to my VIP days, concerts, and other events at school. I can remember going to DQ after some of the events. She would always encourage me when I got down. When she died I didnt know what to do, how to tell people I was hurting too much, and how to deal with it. Like Megan, my memories with my grandma are fuzzy but I treasure the moments I think of. I wish so much I would have told her how much she means to me! I have so many regrets! Now a days I wish I would have hung on everything she used to tell me, the smells of her house, and the smiles. People tell me that I need to move on. I dont know how exactly to do that. She was my hero and always will be. 

I didnt realize back then how much we take for granted. There isnt a day that goes by that someone, somewhere doesnt thinks of a love one they lost. I know that I cant imagine losing a child. I think the parents of child that passes away are the strongest people in the world!  Please do me one favor... Tell your love ones you love them aleast once a day because you never know when they will be gone forever! If the person reading this wonders why I write them everyday just to say that I love them... You now know why I do so :)

Thank you for reading this! Have a great night/day! I love you! TTFN, Jen
P.S. Please share with whomever you want!   

1 comment:

  1. Loss is never easy at any age. The first major loss in my life...that I can remember came the day after Christmas in 1964. My beloved Aunt Rosie was killed in an automobile accident. I didn't go to the funeral. I never really said good-bye. For the longest time I believed they had buried the wrong person, although I knew in my heart that my dad wouldn't let them do that. It took me until last year....2010 to understand why I get so depressed at Christmas time. I am hoping that now I know the cause, I won't have the issue this year. Because, I have always loved Christmas.

    See you are not alone. No one understands. No one can really express the hurt. It is different for everyone. As long as you are alive, Grandma Rita will be alive, too. Don't regret that you didn't say 'I love you' often enough. She knew. Dwell on the happy times with her.

    As to you dying young....forget it that is NOT allowed. I've lost enough students over the years to want to outlive all the rest thank you very much. Yes, you've made an impact. You may not know it. The person you impacted may not even realize it yet. But you have.

    So, continue to be YOU. Question whatever you want. But live your life to the fullest. Don't waste time on regrets. They just make you sad. Take time to smell flowers, watch birds, and enjoy the company of those you love. Memories last a lifetime and longer.

    I love you.