Friday, February 21, 2014

365 days of pictures: never give up hope!!

Hi everyone, 

I hope you all are still here reading along to my 365 days of pictures blog. I have decided instead of doing a blog each day I would do one each week with a weeks worth of pictures.. Some times they will all connect and sometimes they will all be separate!!  I keep getting behind because I can't come up with writings with my pictures so I put it off. 
This is a picture of the give that Officer KC gave us for our 8th grade graduation! I would always look for HOPE! 

So this week of pictures are a bunch from honestly a time I could actually see some light at the end of the tunnel. There are actually memories from that time in my life and they are bits and pieces but they are there..  Yes I have written about my time at RCMS a lot but in all honesty it's was a place I love and still love! Last night tho I found a certain hero on Facebook I thought I would have never get the chance to thank her for all she did for me.. I believe it's another sign to keep me climbing!! It sure made my week!!! 

                                  Officer KC and I at my 8th grade dance! 

K.C. Known as Officer K.C. when I attended RCMS was the liaison officer back when the school was smart. I'm not saying it's not smart now but with her there the school had some piece of mind!  She was tough but she also was the kindest person you'd ever meet and had a heart of gold. She always had a smile on her face who you needed one. For me, Officer K.C. gave me comfort in knowing I was safe. I knew if I was ever bullied or anything I had the option to let her know.. I was able to see light thru all my sadness and grief thru middle school which helped more than I realized at the time.. 

I have talked about her to a few friends and they always asked me, "Jen, I don't understand this... Why didn't you just tell her about ur feelings? Why didn't u tell her u wanted to end it all at the time?".. My answer is I really didn't know how to reach out to anyone.. Many times I wanted to tell KC or Ms Coe but I was scared to. I had convice myself I was a jinx and if I told them they would died or go away too! I also was unsure of myself and I wasn't sure they would understand. I convinced myself that I was fine.. So I would put my mask on and pretend I was ok.. I buried my feelings so tight no one knew or would ever suspect anything! 

As I sit here writing this I can remember one time I didn't want to go to school due to just i was done I hated being different and I was done. My mom came in my room and, "do I need to call officer KC? She will come get you!" I remember getting dressed like lightening. I guess you could say Officer KC was another one I couldn't disappoint so I went to school..
I can remember the last time I saw KC was in  Fernelius car dealership in RC. She was working there I think. I went in with a friend I believe.. She greeted us with a smile and my friend had to talk to someone so she walked away for a moment.. KC gave me a hug and then looked at me and asked if I was ok. I lied and said fine.. I wanted to tell her but I couldn't figure out how as the exactly the night before had been the one of times I hit pure rock bottom and I wanted to end it all.. But I did like I always did and buried it.. We left and I never saw her again.. That night I went home and wrote down everything! I had conviced myself I needed to tell someone. I couldn't keep it inside anymore!! I never mail it and then she moved away! Then it got lost somewhere! I've never forgetton how she helped me hang on to life tho in and out of school!! She will always be a hero and I'm beyond blessed to have reconnected recently!!

I thank God everyday how placed and continues to place people lik Officer KC, Ms. Coe, Jamie, Miss Vigus, Mrs.Green and many of my angels in my life to help me realize that there is light in life if I just look for it!! 

Thanks for reading!! Please comment if u wish and please continue to join me in my quest to find 365 pictures!! 


1 comment:

  1. She would have helped. All you had to do was reach out. Look how long it has taken you to tell me and there is a ton I do not know. But I do know, she would have helped.